The Problem of Letting Go
Turns out, The Beatles knew it.
Remember the song “Let It Be”?
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be Whisper words of wisdom Let it be
Have you ever given an advice to a friend or your family member who is struggling with a difficult emotional state? Have you ever suggested that s/he "LET GO" of that ? I think we are all guilty of this. I used to say and tried that too, with good intention. Did it work out for you? Could you just let go because someone suggested that it's a healthy thing to do? If it worked out, then that's fantastico!
Me? Nah. I couldn't just "let go". I'm way too stubborn and so my emotions and thoughts.
I used to get VERY angry with my husband (doesn't happen often nowadays, phew) I couldn't LET GO of that emotion. How could I? The very suggestion of letting go, especially coming from someone who is causing my anger would make my blood boil!
I used to PRETEND I did let go but I always felt like the fight was never properly resolved. Undigested feelings and thoughts would stay smoldering inside me while on the surface everything seemed ok. Like the water under the bridge. Dealt with, done. Then they would come back with double the force next time around.
Turns out, "letting go" is not the wisest nor the healthiest option when we're struggling with any thoughts or emotions. When we prematurely try to let go of anything, it involves pretending and denying. When someone suggests you to let go of something you are struggling with, no matter the intention, that person is suggesting that you take a spiritual bypass.
We KNOW when we are ready to truly let go. We also know when we are still not ready but TRYING to let go because, well, that seems to be the right course of action.
So what can you do when, deep down, you know you're not ready to let go? Welcome back The Beatles. "LET IT BE".
Let your emotions and struggle be, instead of trying to chase them away from your own heart. Try to acknowledge the fact that you are struggling, that it hurts, and give that very reality some respect and tenderness as if you are holding a crying baby with love. Then watch the grip of that very struggle melt away. It's not self-indulgence. It's what we all need and long for - care, understanding, compassion, connection, and love.
Why would you treat your own struggles any differently? Our struggles are part of what make us human, no matter how unpleasant they are. Don't push them away from your heart. Include them, because they, too, belong.
Next time you are in a difficult place, sit with your struggle as if you're holding a space for your best friend who is going through a very difficult time.If you don't tend to your own heart, who will? Our capacity to witness and tend to our own pain is the capacity we have to hold others' pain.
The war against yourself never makes you a winner nor brings you the peace.
So Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be Whisper words of wisdom Let it be
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